One thing I can say for sure is that I serve a God who is faithful to me even when I don’t trust Him.  He knows my heart and is always ready when I am to move me along;

“Forget the past and look forward to what lies ahead.” Philippians 3:13.

I was making my bed one morning at the beginning of March when the Lord clearly spoke to me to remember the things He has told me.  I immediately began to remember a prophetic Word said over my life when I was 20 years old.  It was a Word from God imparting confidence in my life and it was given to me by one of my pastors at that time, a woman who is jam packed with confidence!

You have to know a little bit about my life.  I am a missionary kid.  I lived in Africa until I was 18 years old.  During my time there we went through a civil war and lived in a small village 30 miles from the nearest town.  The war we experienced left a mark on my confidence.   When I came back to the States to live at the age of 18 I had a lot of insecurity.  This Word of Prophecy changed my life.  I began walking with my head held high and my fear of people began to leave.  Soon after this experience I met my husband, Jerry.  One of the aspects of my personality he fell in love with is my confidence in God and myself.

Fast forward to five years ago.  Jerry and I stepped aside from pastoring for over 25 years.  He received his Doctorate in Ministry, is writing a book and has totally refocused his life with the opportunities that have come his way.  I, on the other hand, had no plan and just thought I’d figure it out along the way.  I had no idea what was ahead. Everything in my life changed.  We moved to another State far away from any family.  We have had to find a church to attend (for the first time in my life we didn’t make a move because of a local church).  Needless to say, I didn’t know how much my identity was wrapped up in our ministry and I felt totally lost.  I began to loose self confidence.  I was no longer needed by anyone….my husband had refocused his life and had purpose, I did not.   I assumed he no longer needed me as he did when we pastored.

When I reread this Word of Confidence said over me in my 20’s, I began to ask God what would give me back my confidence.  The next week I had the opportunity of a 20 hour a week receptionist job open up to me. It seemed to be just what I needed and would be something I would LOVE.  I felt scarred and nervous but hopeful.  I would be challenged and it would get me out of my box and meet people. Sounded perfect!!

Man, did I find out just how far my confidence had run from me!!!  Lots of detail, lots of remembering and challenges. Every day I would come home exhausted.  Sounds weird, I know.  Then, in the middle of all of this, one of Jerry’s best friends was killed in a car accident and he found himself having to travel out of the county for the next three weeks.  We were filled with grief and I wanted to go with him so badly but everything pointed to me staying back and letting him do this alone.

With him gone and my job to keep me busy, I did a lot of thinking and praying. The job was not helping me feel fulfilled.  It was not giving me purpose.  It was not doing what I thought it would.  In fact, I was getting more and more stressed.

Stress can either drive you to God or drive you away.  I am so thankful that I know to look to Him and trust that He knows exactly what I need and when I need it.  Sometimes He lets us make decisions that might not be what we need but we have to walk through them to see His plan.  Kind of like being in the middle of a forrest and not being able to see your way out because of the trees.  You have to TRUST, TRUST, TRUST!!!  He is out for your good.  In Jeremiah 29 He says His plans for you are to do you good.  We just have to TRUST!!

Thank God for friends who stand by you and support you even when you aren’t making any sense.  Because of their encouragement and council, I have been able to finally hear His Voice. He always finds a way to come to you with encouragement in the middle of your confusion. His faithfulness never, never ends!

Next week …….. An opening in the trees!